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Toast = God
Toast By Rev. Funky B. Nogg
Originally published on

EggNogg attempts to explain the equation Toast = God.
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I have attempted to explain using Toast as an analogy.

Everyone who believes that bread is the toast is born of the toaster, and everyone who loves the toaster loves his bread as well. This is how we know that we love the slices of the toaster: by loving the toast and carrying out its buttering. This is love for the toaster, to obey facilitate it's commands, and it's commands are not confusing, for everything that is born of the toaster overcomes the heat. This is the victory that has overcome the heat, even our crumpets. What is it that overcomes the heat? Only he who believes that toast is the bread of the toaster. What can you eat with water and blood? - Toast. It does not taste good with water only, but with water and blood. And it is the toaster who toastifies, because the toaster is the truth. For there are three that toastify in the toaster: the bread, the crumpet and the pop tart, and these three are one. And there are three that toastify on earth: the bread, the water and the blood, and these three are in agreement. We accept man's toastimony, but the toasters toastimony is greater because it is the toastimony of toast, which it has given about the bread. Anyone who believes in the bread of the toaster has this testimony in his heart. Anyone who does not believe in the toaster is a liar, because he has not believed the toastimony that has been served at breakfast. And this is the toastimony: the toaster has given us heat, and this heat has given us toast. He who has the toast has the life; he who does not have the bread of the toaster does not have life. I write these things to you who believe in the name of the bread of the toaster so that you may know that you have eternal life... We know also that the toast has come and has given us understanding, so that we may spread on what we please. And we are nourished - even with crumpets. Toast is the true God and eternal life.


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