Today is Friday September 10‚ 2010
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| July is Be Nice to Blondes Month | |
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By Sea Originally published on We launch a tribute in the form of a month dedicated to the awareness and appreciation of the blondes amongst us. |
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| ADAM: 'God, why did you make Eve so beautiful?' GOD: 'I wanted to be sure that you'd fall in love with her.' ADAM: 'But, God, why did you make her so stupid?' GOD: 'I had to be sure that she'd fall in love with you!' There are legions of international myths, legends and a unique aura about something as simple as hair colour. The luck of Golden Hair is something I've seen first hand. As a boy travelling around Europe with my family in the mid-1980s, in Greece I was surrounded by swarms of adults who wanted to touch my golden hair. One older man even bought me a football magazine I had been eyeing. All because touching my hair was good luck, which was a very strange experience as a child. This article is appearing because of a lack of respect towards the blonde race, something I recently admitted to myself I was neglecting of my own. No more. I am a convert, a born-again blonde. We begin a month of appreciation for the blondes amongst us in July 2006. It is documented that blondes are becoming an endangered species and will die out within the next two centuries. Time is running short. Definition of a Blonde The word “blonde” comes from the Latin word Blondus (yellow). A Blonde is a male or female human who has natural golden, yellow or light beige hair. Some people dye their hairs to convince themselves and others that they too are blonde, but this is but a mask. You can often tell a fraud by the colour of their pubic hair, or by the darkened colour of the roots of new hairs growing on their heads. Fake blondes are usually escapists, failing to deal with the realities of who they really are. Some blondes cannot cope with the pressure, and dye their hair other colours, such as brown, black, red, or pink. Blondes typically have thicker hair strands than dark or redheads, are more inclined to be sunburnt, and are more susceptible to skin cancer. Learn more about the history of blondes and the detailed history of hair dyes, such as the dangerous early chemical bleach days, here – http://www.hairrific.com/hist.htm#Blonde. Generational Blondes typically pass down from one generation to another. This is often the result of one or more parents being blonde themselves. Blonde hair is caused by a recessive gene. In order for a child to have blonde hair, it must have the gene on both sides of the family in the grandparents' generation.  As you can see from this photograph, the older blonde has given way to the younger blonde. This is a typical human process called procreation. Blondes play the game, too. Sometimes, blondes will procreate with those of different hair types. Large and well endowed men of African descent are a popular choice for some blondes. Geographical You will find blondes everywhere. Blondes are most prevalent in European countries and dominate northern Europe in regions such as Scandinavia, the Netherlands and Germany. Sweden has the highest blonde per capita rate, despite only 50% of its population sporting blonde hair. A group in Finland, disheartened by negative blonde publicity, began the International Blondes Association. Blondes have a presence on all continents, including Antarctica. Blondes in Africa are called albinos, tourists, or expats. Some African blondes simply have efficient hair stylists (refer to note on fake blondes above). The predominant worldwide hair colour is black. Blondes enjoy frequenting late night parties and nightclubs, as well as the occasional café, cinema and bowling alley. Had Hitler's ideas gone according to plan, the world would be filled with blondes through his Aryan Race Strategy.  Psychology of a Blonde Blondes are traditionally calmer and more confident than brunettes. They have a better sense of humour being the brunt of jokes since the beginning of time. According to recent scientific studies, men have gravitated towards a preference for brunettes, as this suggests a more fulfilling, long lasting relationship towards commitment and marriage. Blondes, allegedly, offer no such security blanket. From my personal experience, I've had two long term relationships, both with brunettes. My blonde relationships have so far been of a much shorter nature. The most famous toy in the history of pop culture is a blonde – Barbie. Because of Barbie, young girls and "creative" young boys grow up aspiring to have blonde hair (and often massive breasts).  Common Blonde Myths Blondes are typically blatantly misunderstood by the outside world. These myths include: - Blondes are dumb. - Blondes are sluts. - Blondes have more fun. - There are blonde guys, too. Let us examine each of these keys myths. Blondes are dumb – So what if blondes didn't invent the aeroplane, Microsoft or the wheel? There are legions of successful, intelligent blondes. Studies have come to conclusions that the colour of hair changes the perception of individuals passing judgement upon them. “Platinum blondes”, where hair colour is a pale silver (often falsely coloured) are the key victim of the stereotype. Blondes are sluts – Everybody is a slut, let's face it. Blondes are simply more notorious for promiscuous behaviour because of their popularity in the media. Madonna is a high profile blonde, as is Paris Hilton, as was Marilyn Monroe. Brunettes could only wish to be as revered in the media as blondes are. In the legendary Archie comic series, the writers attempted to reverse this stereotype by casting the dark haired Veronica as the slutty temptress, willing to do anything to win over that geek with the queer old car Archie. However, Betty – a blonde – was equally tenacious, playing mind games and fighting for the same dude. He banged them both for decades, as well as macking most of the other hot female characters in the series, making him a slut. The key here is that Archie is a redhead – defeating the stereotype.  Blondes have more fun – This was a marketing slogan coined during World War II. Up until the war women who dyed their hair were considered “Fast”, and depicted by Hollywood as dumb, immoral and naughty. Hair dye companies attempted to reverse this trend with slogans such as “Do Blondes Have More Fun?” and “If I've One Life... Let Me Live it as a Blonde!”.  There are blonde guys, too - Ah yes, that's right.  Humour Blondes, like Jewish people and drummers, are often the subject of mechanised comedy. Countless books suitable for toilet reading, blogs and “humour” guides in newspapers have been dedicated to blonde jokes. People have made fortunes off blonde humour, at the expense of blondes, likely out of jealousy. Here is an example of a blonde “joke”: A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as handyman type person and started canvassing a well-to-do neighbourhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said "How about $50?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it." A short time later the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he said. "Yes," the blonde answered," and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ford Falcon." You can catch more of this veritable slander here: http://www.users.bigpond.net.au/rhsdcc/Blondes%20only.htm  In Conclusion Over the month ahead we will interview blondes, learn more about figureheads in blonde history, and count down the days until the extinction of the natural blonde. What role can you play during Be Nice to Blondes month? When you pass a blonde on the street, smile and say hello. When you're dancing at a club, give the blonde space and let them shine in the spotlight, let their golden hair sparkle and radiate across the dancefloor. When you're served by a blonde at a cafe or restaurant, tip them a little more. You should aim to make every blonde you see feel happy, cut out the jokes and the negative bias, enjoy their company and be their friend. And if you're blonde, you can send me $5000 for this article. Send via paypal to office@universalmetropolis.com. Help save the planet! Until the next chapter of this fine month in blonde history...  More information here... Comment on this article? |
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